Jessica Alba claims she has been asked to star in a Broadway revival of David Mamet’s scathing Hollywood satire Speed the Plow. One assumes she is taking this job in order to salvage her dismal film career get back to her roots in the theater. She will play the part Madonna portrayed in the original production; by that logic, Alba is only a few years away from her own remake of Swept Away directed by Cash Warren.

Really, could it be any worse?…