I was the first victim on the last day, and as I walked in to interview the Golden Globe-nominated duo behind the indie comedy hit Juno, they had just stepped in from the frosty Michigan morning. Jason Reitman balanced a full mug of hot chocolate, and I could see a shiver as he walked over to the coziest chair in the room, kicked off his shoes, and went for the zipper on his warm winter jacket. He must have noticed me flinch when he revealed the Ghostbusters shirt underneath, and as he let out a chuckle I joking swore not to pester him with any questions about father’s Ivan’s beloved comedy classic (I had read plenty of online interviews with Reitman in preparation for this talk, and it seemed as if every one of them invariably led back to that slime-soaked hit). As he recounted a recent Juno screening in Boston in which he made the same reveal in front of a theater-full of nostalgic comedy fans (“they went fuckin’ nuts!”), Cody joked that she should have worn her “Strippers Do It With Poles” shirt, and that any Ghostbusters questions were officially on the table given the circumstances. So we sat down in the cozy living room area of the hotel suite and began our conversation…

JB: The first thing I noticed about Juno was that it had a really casual approach to a pretty controversial subject matter. It seemed that by not focusing on the moral aspects of teen pregnancy you were able to better explore the characters.

JR: Yes.

DC: I’m not a person who moralizes frequently, I tend to see life in shades of gray and I tend to see people as sort of ambiguous figures – not all good or all bad. I had affection and sympathy for all of the characters, regardless of their behavior. So yeah, it would be very difficult for me to make a film that was preachy. I can’t even imagine what I would possibly preach about.

JB: So the story was inspired by a friend in high school?

DC: Sort of. I sometimes trot out that anecdote so that it doesn’t seem like I completely pulled the story out of my ass, because people always as me “Did you do research” or “Did you know anybody” and it helps to be able to say “Yes I did” and I do remember how she was treated by “adults” and “medical professionals.” You know? They condescended to her, and that was what I remembered. I look back on that experience now and I couldn’t fathom what she was going through. I just thought it was kind of weird. Looking back I could have been a stronger shoulder for her.

JB: Are you still on contact with her? Do you know if she’s seen the movie?

DC: Yeah, I am… I hang out with her every time I go back to Chicago.

JR: Did she come to the Chicago screening?

DC: No, she didn’t. She has three kids now, she lives in the suburbs. I know when she does see it I’ll hear about it. I think she’ll enjoy it. We always joke around because I was more like Juno in high school and she was more like Leah – she was the cheerleader, so she was the one you expect to get knocked up. (Laughs)

JR: You know Leah has a lot of the quotable lines in this movie. If you look on the Fox Searchlight website and go to that quote creator thing that you can put on your MySpace page Leah has over half the lines.

DC: Leah has great lines. I always intended her as the comic relief – not realizing that I was writing a comedy.

JB: What did you think you were writing?

DC: I thought I was going to do a “Ghost World” or an “Election.” I wanted to do something dark. I thought I was going to do this dark, edgy comedy about this forbidden relationship between a teenage girl and this guy who was supposed to adopt her baby with his wife. That was initially, in the very embryonic stages, where I was going to go with it because, does that not sound like kind of an Alexander Payne kind-of idea?

JB: Absolutely, yeah.

DC: But then the more I thought about it – these were all ideas I batted around before I even started writing – the more it started to become a sweeter story, and I’m glad that I went in that direction.

JR: I think it still has a kind of Alexander Payne feel though.

DC: Yeah! We talk about Alexander Payne a lot – he’s an inspiration to both of us.

JB: I saw the movie with an older crowd, and it got some interesting reactions. Some of them were really focused on Juno’s attitude.

JR: (In old man voice) She’s a little sparkplug! How old?

JB: They were probably in their 50s or 60s – it was a much older crowd.

DC: You know, a journalist asked me that recently, they said “How do you respond to accusations that Juno is a brat?”

JB: She’s a teenager!

DC: When I think brat, I think “spoiled” or “entitled.”

JR: I think of Mean Girls.

DC: Yes! I don’t consider her a “brat.”

JR: She’s not a brat at all! She’s cool, well read, and smart.

DC: Yeah, she’s well read and smart and she’s got a BS detector. That’s what I would say about her. She’s just not as pliant some people would like a child to be, but I don’t consider her to be a brat in the least.

JR: You should have just responded by asking “How do you feel about me saying some people think you’re ugly.” You should have said that to them.

DC: That would have worked out great!

JB: So you haven’t had any notable reactions from pro-life groups or anything for that scene at the abortion clinic.

DC: I haven’t been addressed by any pro-lifers but apparently they’re pleased with the movie. I personally could care less about who enjoys the film and who does not. This is not a political movie so to me it’s just an interesting side effect – that it wasn’t the intent of the drug.

JB: Did you have a specific audience in mind when you were writing it?

DC: No.

JR: Everybody!

DC: Everybody.

JB: It seems like everyone I’ve talked to from all age groups has taken something unique from it.

DC: I have to say that it has appealed to more people than I expected it to when I wrote it. I figured the indie film crowd will enjoy this. I didn’t expect any families or… it’s interesting that the old crowd you were with thought Juno had an attitude because I’ve met a lot of “senior citizens” who adore this movie. I didn’t think this movie would play in Italy, or for senior citizens, and it’s done both.

JB: You’ve gotten some pretty positive reactions from Italian audiences?

DC: We won the Rome Film Festival! So to me that was kind of a shock.

JB: It feels so distinctly…

DC: American! Or Canadian. I always feel bad when I say “It feels distinctly American” because you guys (Reitman and stars Michael Cera and Ellen Page) are all Canadian.

JB: Well for me, growing up near the border in Detroit there’s a close connection, we go to Canada all the time.

JR: And by the way, Minnesota is almost part of Canada.

DC: It’s Canada’s penis!

JR: Yes. Everyone says that Canada is the 51st State but I think Canadians probably think Minnesota is the 14th Province.

DC: Minnesota has a strong Canadian vibe with the hockey and the…

JR: The way they speak. The caricature of Minnesota-speak is really similar to the caricature of Canadian-speak.

DC: It’s true, the further north you go, the crazier it is. We had an overall sort of Midwestern Canadian normal persons sensibility on this film. It’s not a L.A. movie at all.

JB: You seem to have a pretty mellow approach to writing, has the fact that Juno has been getting a lot of buzz and there’s some level of expectation affected you’re approach to any of your current projects? Do you feel more pressure?

DC: I have a lot of friends who are writers now, so I get to actually observe screenwriters working, which is not something that I did in the past because I didn’t know any. I have to admit that it makes me feel slightly insecure because they are so diligent and focused and organized – they have the index cards and the binders with their character’s back stories and so on, and I know lots of people who do this. Even when I come up with character names I literally pull them out of thin air, I’ll be like “alright there’s this guy, and he kinda looks like a Stan… and then he’s Stan. I write in a totally linear fashion. It just occurred to me six months ago that you could write a script out of order. I’d never thought about that. I would always say “Oh I can’t wait to write this scene at the end” and someone would be like “Why can’t you just write it now?” and I would respond “What!? That hasn’t happened yet!” I write in a really simplistic way, like a five year old writing a story, and I give it about that much thought. I do feel a little insecure about that, but it’s worked a couple of times so we’ll see. Maybe at some point I’m going to have to finesse my approach.

JR: Don’t. You got the gift. You’re a natural.

JB: It seems to have worked for you so far!

JR: It’s like giving Babe Ruth home run lessons. That’ll be my quote.
(Laughs) That’s so cheesy! Unfortunately you can’t direct that way, so if I ever direct I’m going to have to figure out some kind of method, because you can’t just be like “Ahhhhhhh… two shot.” …well you can, but it turns out weird.

JB: Speaking of approaches, I get the impression that you have a pretty relaxed demeanor behind the camera as well.

DC: Oh he does. Jason is like a laser though. He’s so precise. He knows exactly what he wants, and you never ever get a sense that anything is uncertain or up in the air when you’re working with this man. It’s just like “This is how it’s going to happen” and then it does.

JB: Is that how you feel?

JR: You know it’s funny, because I never thought of myself as someone who’s demanding, but…

DC: You’re not.

JR: …but I’ve seen my own actors interviewed, and that is a common line that they say about me – that I know exactly what I want. I suppose I do know exactly what I want. It sounds like I’m on the set going “WRONG AGAIN!” and it’s not like that. I think I have very casual demeanor on the set, but there’s a note I want you to hit, and I think that speaks to tonal continuity.

DC: You’re gentle though. Like I remember one day you wanted an extra to move and you felt bad asking and you were like “Oh, did I just sound like a dick there?” and I would have been “GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THE SHOT!” and I remember thinking that I can’t believe he feels bad – you’re just directing. I would have been out there with an electric prod.

JB: The cattle approach to filmmaking!

DC: Yeah! I have a feeling that I could be a rather abrasive person on set and that frightens me.

JR: I cannot wait to see that! You have the electrodes attached to each actor and you have a little switchboard running up so you can just push a button and “BZZZZT!”

JB: So you have aspirations to direct?

DC: I want to. I was saying that, occasionally, a writer wants to direct… and they never direct again because it just doesn’t work out.

JB: It’s certainly a different beast.

DC: Yeah, it is. It’s a completely different beast.

JR: You know Harvey Weinstein directed a movie once? It’s apparently awwwwwwwwful… and he spent his whole life finding copies and burning them. I don’t know the title (note: It’s a 1986 coming-of-age film entitled For Keeps), but it’s apparently God-awful.

DC: Isn’t it interesting that somebody could understand filmmaking the way he does and then direct a bad movie?

JR: It’s actually easy to understand – there are people who are great producers, who should not be directors. It muct be a mind-fuck for them, knowing how well they understand movies but they should no direct. It’s a different art. Some people are really good at honing other people’s skills: A great producer knows how to get the most out o his director. It’s the same reason that Wayne Gretzky is not a great hockey coach. Like these great, talented athletes who just don’t know how to coach, and there are coaches who are moderately good athletes, and then, as a coach, they’re really interested in getting the best out of their players.

DC: It’s probably a similar skill set to being a teacher.

JB: A producer?

DC: Yeah, because there are people who are really good at something, but they can’t teach it to anyone else. I’m jealous of people who can write and direct. To me that’s unfair. It’s unfair to be a Jason Reitman or a Paul Thomas Anderson because you shouldn’t be able to do both.

JR: You’ll be a great writer/director.

DC: No, but you guys are great directors and also great writers. Whereas I could maybe be a good writer and a middling director.

JR: No, you;ll be an awesome writer/director.

DC: Well, we’ll see, won’t we?

JB: One thing that I noticed in both Thank You for Smoking and Juno were the really vivid family dynamics. I read in the production notes that you try to model your life after your father’s.

JR: The hard part is trying to escape a Holocaust camp… because I grew up in Beverly Hills. So I haven’t been able to model my life note for note after my father’s no matter how hard I’ve tried.

JB: Minor differences.

JR: Minor differences, but family is important to me, and I realize it more after having watched my own films oddly enough. Something attracted me to Thank You for Smoking and Juno as far as that. I remember the idea that excited me about Thank You for Smoking most was the scene where Nick Naylor is talking to his on and trying to explain what he does for a living. Actually, it was his son, challenging him on his job, and I remember thinking, “What do you say to your kid?” You can kind of choose your friends, and you can distance yourself from your family, so whatever you decide to do with your life you can lie to all these things, but you can’t pick your kid – your kid is your kid. That was my inroad to Thank You for Smoking, and I can’t help but feel like I must have been on track with something similar in Juno.

JB: What’s the most valuable piece of professional advice that your father has given you?

JR: Everything you shoot, read the scene that takes place before the one that you’re shooting and the one that comes after so you always remember where your characters are coming from and where they’re going.

JB: How about you? Has Jason offered you any particularly memorable bits of wisdom as you make inroads into the entertainment industry?

DC: Advice about writing?

JB: …or filmmaking in general given your directorial aspirations.

JR: Don’t eat the shrimp on the catering truck.

DC: When we were in Telluride, Jason actually gave me that bit of advice about reading the scenes.

JR: Barometer of honesty.

DC: Oh…. And you told me something before the first day of shooting.

JR: Sacrifice.

(moment of silence)

JB: A goat?

JR: A goat.

DC: No, you did tell me something, and I can’t remember what it was.

JR: When you’re watching your actors, don’t worry about whether they’re being funny or they’re being dramatic.

DC: That’s what you said. Oh, and here’s one: Jason told me that slot of the time if a scene is not working, ask the directors to do a take where they’re not trying at all. Where they’re just doing, like, a cold reading. A lot of the time that turns out to be the take that works.

JB: You get something new out of it – something you didn’t expect?

JR: It’s not even new it’s just… don’t perform. Stop Acting.

DC: Stop acting. Exactly. That was the piece of advice that I’m going to keep in mind.

JR: It’s just part of the Jason Reitman playbook.

DC: Now is that one all you, or is that second gen advice?

JR: That’s second gen advice.

JB: Alright, since time is running short I’ll get to what I consider my most personally important question…

JR: Yes! No, there will not be a Ghostbusters 3. I’m not directing the movie. My dad’s never going to direct it. There’s no Ghostbusters 3 and I would never direct it because I’d make the most boring Ghostbusters movie of all time.

JB: Why do you say that?

JR: It would just be people talking about ghosts - there’d be no ghosts. I’m telling you – and I don’t mean this to be ruse to you – but this is about everyone; there’s a desperation for another Ghostbusters movie.

DC: There really is.

JB: I didn’t bring it up! I swear!

DC: I’m even tantalized right now. I just thought of the best idea for a Jason Reitman remake: Police Academy. With the same goofball, ragtag troupe of guys, but actual, really grisly shit goes down and they have to deal with it. It gets really dark, and the guy who makes all the noises gets shot and dies.

JB: Not Michael Winslow!

JR: And it’s like “Oh God, this little girl got raped, this is awful!” and he’s like (feigns siren noise).

DC: Or he comes in about to make this goofy noise and he’s like (feigns interrupted police siren noise) and he never makes a noise again.

JR: Or he’s sitting next to her, and he’s trying to cheer her up. He’s like (makes indiscernible, Winslow-esque noise) and she says “A 300 pund ex-convict just forced himself upon me, why are you making noises?!” That would be awesome!

JB: I know I’d pay full admission.

JR: (Composing himself after a hearty fit of laughter) Sorry… this is why I’m not making a Ghostbusters movie.

DC: We come up with a new offensive movie idea every single day.

JR: I’m gonna go cry now.

DC: Let’s get our breakfast on!

…and so as Cody settled down with a steaming plate of hash browns and scrambled eggs and everyone suddenly realized that room service had forgotten to bring forks, the interview ended without my getting to ask the one question that had been nagging at me ever since my first viewing of Juno. Of course it had nothing to do with Ghostbusters, but as the outlandish Reitman/Cody version of Police Academy began to play out in my head, I couldn’t help but laugh regardless. As for my question, I’m keeping it to myself for now – perhaps if this promising screenwriter rolls back through town one day to promote Jennifer’s Body or one of her other upcoming projects, I’ll finally have the chance to find out the answer without the specter of Zuul looming over my shoulders.