Having recently assembled my somewhat “serious” list of nominations for the Detroit Film Critics Association, I decided to stave off the boredom of repetition by having a bit more fun with my year-end pics for the All Movie blog. The result: A stream of consciousness-driven list that presents my favorite cinematic feats of 2007. Readers who prefer their lists served up with reverence, order, or staunch adherence to Academy standards are encouraged to click away as quickly as possible. For everyone else, I hope you had as much fun at the movies as I did in 2007, and here’s to another great year of wild and weird cinema in 2008!

Most Intimidating Hair in a Motion Picture: Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises
(Mark my words: Film theory students will be studying Mortensen’s Eastern Promises coiffure for decades, I felt like I’d have a hit put out on me for just staring at it as long as I did)
 
 
 
 
 

Best Actor:
Viggo Mortensen – Eastern Promises
(Mortensen and Cronenberg may be the best actor/director duo since Hitchcock and Stewart, and I for one am really interested in seeing this pair continue their remarkable collaboration. Whether he’s portraying a mild-mannered, former mob heavy for the director in A History of Violence or a stoic mob wheelman for him in Eastern Promises, Mortensen is always believable, and unfailingly compelling to watch.)

Best Re-Release: The Holy Mountain
(Perhaps the most highly sought-after bootleg on the grey-market video circuit, Alejandro Jodorowski’s psychedelic masterpiece finally received a long overdue stateside release after a disagreement between the director and producer Allen Klein kept the rights to the film tied up for decades. It was truly amazing to see this movie on the big screen, and the indescribable energy at the sold-out midnight show made for one of the most memorable movie-going experiences this movie fanatic has ever had.

Best Horror Film: The Abandoned/The Orphanage (Tie)
(Richard Stanley’s mind-meltingly circular screenplay for The Abandoned was perfectly complimented by Nacho Cerda’s arrestingly ominous direction, and The Orphanage proved just how beautiful and heartbreaking horror can really be when handled with equal measures of style and finesse)

Best Unexpected Exploding Head: Grindhouse: Planet Terror
(“Hey guys, I’m just gonna take a peek around this corner to see if the coast is cl”BLAAAAM!)

 
Best Intro: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
(I stand firm in my belief that theaters across the country should dispense with those lame “No Smoking”/”Please Turn off Your Cell Phone” and instead replace it with this hilarious, Mastodon-powered parody. It gets the point across with irreverence and humor, and provided one of the biggest laughs I had in a theater all year.)

Worst Horror Film: The Hills Have Eyes 2
(The most memorable thing about this steaming pile of cinematic excrement was the fact that it sent a theater full of children screaming from their seats when it was mistakenly threaded into the projector at a screening of the children’s fantasy flick The Last Mimzy. As awful as the original sequel to the original Hills Have Eyes was, at least that one had a Doberman pinscher flashback. The final verdict: Completely useless.)

Worst Remake: Halloween
(Coming off of The Devil’s Rejects I was beginning to thing that Rob Zombie may be on the road to cinematic redemption, little did I know that I was in for a particularly rude awakening. What a total and complete joke – rarely has a remake been so utterly misguided. I’m not generally the type to yell at the screen, but by the time Michael Myers attacked a house with a two-by-four I was so angry I couldn’t contain myself.)

Best Throwback Horror Flick: Hatchet
(Here’s a fun little horror treat; a throwback that actually tries to emulate the most entertaining aspects of an 80s-era slasher without lazily resorting to remaking one. Fast paced, gory, and over before you know what’s hit you, this one is a surefire hit for horror hounds with a healthy sense of humor.)

Biggest Disappointment: Shoot ‘Em Up/30 Days of Night (Tie)
(Who knew ninety-minutes of non-stop action could be so unrelentingly dull? Despite having endless rounds of ammo and loads of talent to drive the action, Shoot ’Em Up turned out being one of the least exciting action films in recent memory. Likewise, 30 Days of Night proved that it takes more than a killer concept, an innovative creature design, and a few eye-popping decapitations to make a truly memorable vampire flick.)

Dullest Comedy: Blades of Glory
(I fell asleep. I never fall asleep.)

Best Use of CG: Zodiac
(By subtly using CG to create a truly remarkable period setting, Zodiac director David Fincher proved that you can do much more with the art that creating corny giant monsters. The most remarkable thing about the use of CG in Zodiac is that the viewer doesn’t notice it at all.)

Best Giant Monster Attacks Movie: The Host
(Speaking of giant monsters, this South Korean genre-bender recalled the original Gojira in highlighting how a movie about a slimy, rampaging beast can be more than just a movie about a… uhhh… slimy rampaging beast. Equal measures funny, sad, and scary, this compelling monster flick with a difference is sure to appeal to viewers from all across the spectrum)

Best Cinematography: The Abandoned/Zoo (Tie)
(As a photographer/videographer I’m always drawn to compelling images, and these films both had them in spades. From Xavi Giminéz’s atmospheric visuals in The Abandoned to Sean Kirby’s mesmerizing shots in Zoo, these were two films that kept my eyes unblinkingly locked on the screen from opening frame to credit crawl.

Best Sequel: Hostel Part II
(Who knows why this smart and stylish sequel performed so poorly at the box office, but whether it was the fact that it leaked onto the internet or the public’s growing distaste for so-called “torture-porn” it appeared as if viewers had just about enough of Eli Roth’s gruesome exploits the first time around. It’s a bit of a shame, too, because this wicked little flick proved without a doubt that his horror skills are sharpening considerably.)

Best DTV Sequel: Wrong Turn II
(You’ve got your Henry Rollins, you’ve got your murderous inbred mutants… what more could you ask for?)

Lamest Sequel: Live Free or Die Hard
(A decade too late and an MPAA rating short, this bombastic cartoon left me colder than a tarmac traffic director at Dulles Airport in January.)

Best Movie No One Saw: Once
(Such a memorable little film thanks to the genuine, soulful performances and a great soundtrack; I’m ashamed to say that I put off watching this one for as long as I did. Perry likes to say that Once could easily suffer from too much hype, and while I agree wholeheartedly I’d still highly recommend it to anyone seeking out a romantic alternative to all of the sickly-sweet, tear-jerking Hollywood sap.)

Best Surprise Revelation: Steve Zahn in Rescue Dawn
(Who knew that the goofball from Saving Silverman would be capable of delivering such an affecting, harrowing performance as a hollow-eyed prisoner of war? Apparently Werner Herzog for one. While Christian Bale’s performance in the film was indeed memorable, it was Zahn who really gave more than ever before here.)

Best Debut: Thomas Turgoose in This is England/Sam Riley in Control (Tie)
(While This is England ultimately proved a bit uneven for this particular viewer, there was no denying that young star Thomas Turgoose may have a particularly bright future on the silver screen. Likewise, Sam Riley truly conveyed the tortured soul of ill-fated Joy Division front-man Ian Curtis in a way that wasn’t simply one-note moribund, but vividly textured and even, at times, humorous.)

 
Best Train Wreck: I Know Who Killed Me
(Any film that has Art Bell walk out to explain the plot mid-movie is ok in my book, and even if it was an unmitigated mess, this overindulgent snapshot of self-destruction wasn’t any more convoluted that your typical giallo. With all due respect to amputees, the scene where Lindsey Lohan’s battery-powered foot ran out of juice was one of the funniest film moments all year – comedy or otherwise.)

Best Comedy: Superbad/Knocked-Up (Tie)
(Yup, Judd Apatow and company cornered the comedy market for me this year. What more can I say, I’ve been a fan since the Freaks and Geeks days and it’s good to see this crew finally getting the attention that eluded them on the small screen.)

Best Revenge Flick: Death Sentence
(Sure, The Brave One was a thoughtful meditation on the nature of revenge and Reservation Road took a classy approach to exploring how we all process profound loss, but give me a shaved head, shotgun-toting Kevin Bacon gunning down punks Vigilante-style any day of the week and I’ll be happy to the (in this case at least) sappy final scene.

Best True Crime: The Girl Next Door
(Reading Jack Ketchum’s account of the Sylvia Likens case a few years back, I wanted to throw the book across the room more than a few times. I wanted to do the same thing to the DVD while watching this unrelenting screen translation, thought the fact remains that I think it’s an important reminder of suburban malevolence. Regardless, this is one flick I won’t be going back to anytime soon – if ever.

Best 3D: Beowulf
(Had I not seen this flick in IMAX 3D I would have likely been far less forgiving, but by the time Beowulf slashed his way out of a sea serpent’s eyeball and the proceeded to slice down it’s cloud-tickling length with sword blade unzipping the best like a warm winter jacket, I couldn’t help but marvel at the pure spectacle of this overlong CG epic. I’ll probably revisit this one on the small screen, but I had a hell of a good time watching it on 3D IMAX.)

Grimmest Ending: Stephen King’s The Mist
(Kudos to Frank Darabont for squashing any measure of hope the audience may have had with those soul-shredding final frames. The less said about this ending the better, but lets just say that there’s no Happily-Ever-After in foggyland. Some may call Darabont a sadist, but I call him a true horror hero for sending his audience out in a virtual state of shock. While it was a close call between The Mist and The Girl Next Door for the win in this category, I’m going with fiction because, well, it’s my list damnit!)