The Kung Fu Flicks series at National Amusements theaters is well underway, and moviegoers are having a hell of a good time at the local multiplex. The projected video (occasionally VHS in origin) has been at best poor-to-adequate, the dubbing atrocious, and the action ridiculous… and the viewers can’t seem to get enough. On the heels of their successful “Attack of the B Movies” series in the summer of 2007, programmers at National Amusements were looking to keep the spirit of the drive-in alive on local screens by expanding the scope of their series’ to include some of the strangest kung-fu movies ever committed to celluloid. Whether you’re into kung-fu or not, one would be hard pressed to deny that they’ve accomplished their goal with this series featuring a truly gonzo programming schedule and a nifty little selling gimmick.

Upon purchasing their first ticket, moviegoers are given a special card that will be stamped at each screening. Should the cardholder manage the daunting task of collecting six stamps by the end of the series, they’ll be eligible to win a free trip for two to the Los Angeles premiere of The Forbidden Kingdom – the eagerly anticipated martial arts adventure that marks the first ever feature collaboration between screen legends Jackie Chan and Jet Li.

What about the flicks themselves, you may ask? Well, despite the fact that I’m an enormous fan of Asian cinema, I make no claims of being an authority in the area of martial arts films in particular, and can only offer an opinion that springs straight from my lifelong love of weirdo cinema.

That said, this is my take on the series so far…

Shaolin Temple:

The flick that started out the series features everything we love about old school kung-fu flicks: Hilarious dubbing, lightning fast fights, and a super simple plot that somehow gets completely garbled in translation. It’s loads of fun when viewed with the right crowd – just be careful not to get it mixed up with that other Shaolin Temple flick starring some guy named Jet Li.

Bronx Executioner:

This was the first indicator that the programmers over at National Amusements were willing to have a little fun with the series. Bronx Executioner has more in common with such cheesy post-apocalyptic actioners as Enzo G. Castellari’s 1990: The Bronx Warriors than such traditional kung fu fare as Shaolin Temple, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less entertaining. This flick is a mess of epic proportions, but it does feature a weathered Woody Strode throwing some powerhouse punches – which should at least count for something! Add to that a dim-witted, muscle-bound hero and sets that look like they may fall apart if shot a sideways glance and you’ve got all the fixings for a goofy good time.

Bruce Lee Fights Back from the Grave:

I’m not sure what – if anything – this particular flick had to do with Bruce Lee, but that doesn’t stop me from declaring it one of my favorite entries in the series thus far. Opening with a completely nonsensical shot of a Lee look-a-like erupting from his grave and featuring a motley crew of villains that feel as if they were pulled from the strangest comic book never published, this one sports weirdness by the ton. How can you not love a flick in which a thuggish taxi driver mugs his passenger at knifepoint, takes him out of the car, roughs him up, does a few donuts, gets kicked in the head right through the window, and then makes sure to drop him off safely at his intended destination. Not only that, but it has what have to be the strangest guttural kung-fu sounds ever uttered on film, and audience members at our particular screening compared it to both The Big Lebowski and No Country for Old Men.

Fearless Hyena:
I gotta admit, this late-1970s Jackie Chan flick just didn’t do very much for me. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I was still coming down off of the goofy high of Bruce Lee Fights Back from The Grave, but by fifteen minutes in I was already growing weary of that old Jacky shtick. By the time it ended, I was completely exhausted – and not as much out of exuberance as for the fact that it was all so repetitive it felt like one giant gag fight stretched out to 400 minutes. Don’t get me wrong, I like Jackie quite a bit – and when it’s “on” he’s truly a sight to behold – but this time around I just wasn’t feeling it.

Fantasy Mission Force:
Wheeler had warned me that this was one of the strangest kung fu flicks ever made, but even that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the madness of this bizarro take on The Dirty Dozen. From the appearance of Abraham Lincoln as a World War II general to a gang of Mad Max-inspired Nazis and musical cues stolen from It’s Alive, Tourist Trap (complete with mannequin sighs!), and Once Upon a Time in the West, this jaw dropping stew of insanity must be seen to be believed. Almost a week later I’m still not sure what to make of it, but the fact that Wheeler has been watching it for a decade and is still just as confused as I at least tells me it’s not for lack of trying.

The Chinatown Kid:
I’m sorry to say that I had to duck out on the Chinatown Kid so I can’t offer a full report, but I plan on making up for that by hitting all ten of the remaining flicks - wish me luck!

More to follow as the series progresses…
Until then, be sure to hop on the official National Amusements website to find out if the King Fu Flicks series is playing at a theater near you!