Spawned from the satirical newspaper of the same name, The Onion Movie is an abysmal mess of an attempt to recapture the absurdist glory of such satirical sketch films as Kentucky Fried Movie and Amazon Women on the Moon, and a genuine comedy endurance test. Even the most devoted fans of The Onion will likely find it difficult to fend off sleep while being assaulted with a relentless barrage of jokes without punchlines, gags stretched out beyond the breaking point, and, worst of all, sketches that were simply aborted mid-stream. The main problem is that the filmmakers weren’t able to make up their minds whether they wanted a rapid-fire, stream-of-consciousness comedy on the level of the aforementioned satires (as evidenced by the segmented nature of most jokes) or an actual plot-driven film (as evidenced by the ongoing feud between straight-faced Onion News anchor Norm Archer and the network bigwigs who have sold out their integrity to their new parent company, an all-powerful global conglomerate more interested in pushing their latest project, an action movie entitled “Cockpuncher,” than delivering the news). But while some sketches are indeed memorable, including a bit about an armed gunman who bursts into a bank demanding a job, and an athlete who refuses to give up his dreams despite unheard-of setbacks, the fifteen minutes of The Onion Movie that are worth actually watching are buried in another sixty minutes of absolute drudgery. Of course the fact that The Onion Movie is an epic misfire will come as no surprise to those who have followed the film’s tumultuous production history, but while the actual newspaper can fluctuate in quality from hysterically funny to simply chuckle-worthy, this is undoubtedly the nadir of The Onion legacy.