Be Kind, Rewind: Jack Black and Mos Def do not climb aboard a gigantic magical flying VHS tape and surf into an episode of the Electric Company.

The Bucket List: Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman do not go on a suicidal hedonism spree, whiling away their last few cancer ridden days spending their amassed social security money on hookers and blow.

Jumper: The Aniken kid does not become despondent over peaking with Virgin Suicides in 1998, jump off of some iconic ancient structure and plummet to his death.

The Other Boleyn Girl: This is the most important one — Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman do not, I repeat, do not make out, no matter how close they came after shooting had wrapped.

Witless Protection: Dan Whitney does not take this opportunity to explore any new avenues in his long standing career as a character actor.

Also on DVD this week: Chaos Theory, Funny Games, the Grand, Out of the Blue, Protagonist, and the Signal.