If you’re really hankering to buy a new DVD this week, your choices are pretty sparse. In fact, you might not have even heard of some of these titles, so here, let us help you out.

Turn the River: WTF is this? Lady pool-hustler lines up one last job so she and her son can have a better life. Where do I know that lady from? She’s the redheaded X-man who vaporizes Patrick Stewart. Why should I watch this? Rip Torn plays her grizzled mentor, and who doesn’t like to see old Rip griz it up.

The Last Winter: WTF is this? In Alaska, no one can hear you scream. Well, not in very desolate and possibly fictional upper Northern regions. Where do I know these people from? Absolutely nowhere. Why should I watch this? Because I lied, it does have Ron Perlman, but he’s not wearing a prosthetic face.

21: WTF is this? College students cheat at blackjack. Where do I know this kid from? He’s the guy who awkwardly stared at you and sang the first line of “Girl” like the douchebag who whips out an acoustic guitar at a house party. Why should I watch this? If you really like indie electronic music, you can just close your eyes.

Picture This: WTF is this? Nerd girl deceives her father so she can go to prom with the class stud. Where do I know that girl from? One of the most recent viscous fluid covered infants to emerge wailing from clammy womb of cybernetic Mother Disney. Why should I watch this? So you can confront the guilt you’ve hidden since that night you yourself sneaked out to take a square-jawed rich kid to the dance. That’s it, let it all out. No one is watching.