Killer Australian crocs, Satan’s kin, Steven Seagal and Anna Farris all find themselves on All Movie’s chopping block in this week’s edition of What We’re Watching! If it’s crazy Eric Bogosian you want — here it is. Looking for a little Fellini for your weekend viewing pleasure? Look no further! Another installment of what’s on our tubes awaits you after the jump. Now what’s on yours?

Jason Buchanan
Rogue
This giant killer croc movie from Wolf Creek director Greg McLean may open like a National Geographic nature film and end like a cheap Asylum monster movie, though for fans of nature run amuck flicks the delicious creamy filling is enough to warrant taking a look. OK, maybe “creamy” isn’t the best adjective to describe a flick where a bunch of Australian tourists are methodically hunted and eaten by the biggest croc never known to exist, but there’s no doubt that writer/director McLean has a keen knack for creating identifiable, three-dimensional characters while keeping the tension sufficiently taut, and that’s precisely what separates an enjoyable little gem like Rogue from the vast majority of it’s generic, paint-by-numbers counterparts. A brief introduction to the outback before we’re board a tour boat heading into croc-infested waters, and in no time flat the passengers are fighting for their lives against a prehistoric predator that’s had centuries to sharpen it’s hunting skills. By stranding the passengers on a tidal river island McLean manages to set the ominous tone early on, subsequently pulling the rug out from under the viewer every time they think they’ve figured out who’s next on the massive croc’s chomping list. Make no mistake, Rogue isn’t groundbreaking cinema by a long-shot. That said, viewers seeking nothing more than ninety-something minutes of entertaining, visceral, man-versus-croc action would do well to give this nasty little nugget of joy a look.
 
 
Sarah Block
Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil on Adult Swim (via my trusty 99% full DVR). Why has this show not been renewed for a second season? Why is it not out on DVD? Why has nobody I talk to ever even HEARD of it? From the minds of the guys behind Home Movies, Lucy is a brilliantly twisted 11-15 minute slice of… something. Basically, Lucy is (you guessed it), the daughter of the Devil. She’s just a ‘regular’ girl, except she has horns (but they’re sexy horns, not scary) and has been chosen by her dad to be the next (very unwilling) Antichrist. Oh, and she’s dating the Messiah (in the guise of a sort of stoner dude, DJ Jesús). The Devil himself (not scary, aside from the fact that he’s trying to kill Lucy’s boyfriend) wears Cosby sweaters and likes to drink fancy cocktails at the local Mexican restaurant — not exactly well-suited for his stated mission to get rid of the DJ and take over the world. His hare-brained schemes are met with exasperation by his sexy “devil’s advocate,” Becky. Besides keeping him focused, Becky struggles to steer the Devil clear of the “Special Clergy” — two priests and a nun (all hilariously twisted in their own ways) sent straight from the Vatican on a mission to kill Lucy off before she assumes the role of the Antichrist. If it all sounds too good to be true, check out a clip here and see for yourself. Come on, Adult Swim — pony up for another season! Is it too much to ask?
 
 
Jeremy Wheeler
Under Siege 1 & 2
There’s just nothin’ like the sweet sights & sounds of Seagal slicing and dicing terrorist scum in perfect Die Hard rip-off fashion to just make a night. The first film made for a nice revisit — mostly due to Tommy Lee Jones‘ crazed hippie biker villain (who also subs for a rockin’ party band singer) as well as Gary Busey’s cross-dressing henchman. Violence-wise, Seagal is a mean machine of a man, knifing dudes in their armpits and forcing shoulders into table saws! The best might be Tommy Lee Jones’ demise — consisting of an eye poke, a knife under the jaw and crescendoing with a head smash into a computer monitor! Yes.

As hot as that was, the sequel was where things really started to heat up. I always remember the follow-up being good, but boy, was I in for a pleasant surprise. Filled with gags, stunts, special effects & juicy characters, the Geoff Murphy (Young Guns 2, The Quiet Earth) helmed production is a blast in every sense of the word. You want outrageous villains? You got it! Cue Eric Bogosian as the hilarious brain of the bunch, with Everett McGill (Silver Bullet, Twin Peaks) as the incredible #2 bad-ass who leads a group of mercenaries (one with a white, dead eye) on a railways hostage mission. There’s plenty of choice dialogue, thanks to Morris Chestnut as the comic relief, and is that a young Katherine Heigl as Seagal’s niece? You bet your sweet bottom, mister! Add in a high stakes train collision and some gratuitous finger chopping and Under Siege 2: Dark Territory crosses the finish line as my favorite revisit of the month. Rent it. Buy it. Love it.
 
 
Nathan Southern
Fellini Satyricon
I’m 0 for 6 at finishing Fellini’s gargantuan, psychedelic “trip” through the decadence of Ancient Rome in a single sitting, but that’s only because the director so stuffed it with overwhelming imagery and symbolism that it’s easier to take in small bites – and far easier to lose oneself in individual sequences. Aside from I Vitelloni and Amarcord, this is probably my favorite Fellini film. The Italian master’s greatest feat involves establishing an onscreen mythological ambience unlike any other without explicitly resorting to elements such as mythical creatures; he also draws a penetrative philosophical correlation between the depravity of the pre-Christian and post-Christian worlds that makes one feel deeply mournful and disillusioned about how far certain sectors of contemporary society have fallen when “the center does not hold.” (One can envision some 21st century citizens fitting perfectly into this rotten environment). Of course, Kael was out of her gourd when she complained about an absence of memorable images in the film; who can forget the Minotaur (Luigi Montefiori) with his spiked club, the slicing-open of the pig’s stomach at the feast of Trimalchio (Mario Romagnoli), the rock wall flanking the seaside, or the chin-less effigy of the emperor’s head, drawn down a stone corridor by a pack of horses? Not I.
 
The House Bunny
Critics have raved and raved about Anna Faris’s performance in this limp summertime comedy; one of our editors called her “a reincarnation of Judy Holliday.” Frankly, I’d like my two hours and $7.00 back. The most upsetting aspect of it is the continued myths it spreads about Playboy and Hefner, especially to young women – as anyone can attest to who has both seen this film and read Bogdanovich’s beautiful and haunting tome The Killing of the Unicorn. (Wesley Morris of The Boston Globe hit the nail on the head when he said, ” The movie is a commercial for Hugh Hefner that makes his magazine seem like Seventeen.”) Faris admittedly displays some ability as a comedienne, but her character comes across as so pathetically ignorant from beginning to end (even after Shelley’s “intellectual transformation”) that I shudder to think that some girls might look to her as a role model. All told, the material does Faris a massive disservice, and it is hard for me to champion any comedy where the humor rests so exclusively on seeing female characters publicly humiliated in front of others.