After months of talking about the Oscar nominees, breaking down the possible odds for the major categories, seeing all the nominees before the 22nd, and trying to live a normal life, I’m far too fried to offer any meaningful thoughts on what happened during the Oscars. So enjoy a smattering of musings and observations I made as notes while watching this year’s show.

7:58PM The Barbara Walters special ends with Hugh Jackman giving her a lap dance. The night can’t possibly get weirder, can it?

8:04PM When did Ferris Bueller go gray?

8:05PM Worst segue – “Richard Nixon couldn’t be here tonight but we have something better.” No. No. If Richard Nixon actually came back from the dead and walked the red carpet at the Oscars, nothing could be better.

8:13PM Never thought I’d say this in this life, but I love Mickey Rourke’s shoes.

8:15PM Let’s be honest about this, Miley Cyrus is only being interviewed because this is on ABC and she’s a major cog in the Disney machine.

8:23PM Just when I think there can’t possibly be any innovations in Red Carpet coverage, ABC introduces scrolling pictures of what people wore in years past.

8:25PM Tim Gunn tells Marissa Tomei he much prefers to see her with her clothes on. This is really not news.

8:32PM Hugh Jackman continues a long-standing Oscar tradition of the host telling self-effacing jokes about his or her movies – and it’s the best press Australia’s gotten.

8:40PM It’s nice to see Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt enjoying a night out together. When you have kids, it’s so hard to keep the romance alive.

8:46PM Having former winners read the nominees, and blow some serious smoke, is a good idea. Now if only we could get them to read faster.

8:48PM Penélope Cruz wins Best Supporting Actress, verifying that the supposedly leaked list of Oscar winners last week was utter crap.

8:53PM Can Tina Fey and Steve Martin write everything? Please?

8:57PM Dustin Lance Black wins Best Original Screenplay for Milk. This gives me a glimmer of hope for a Milk sweep.

9:01PM Slumdog Millionaire wins Adapted Screenplay, killing that glimmer of hope for a Milk sweep.

9:06PM Animation montage. I am reminded that Space Chimps was the worst movie of 2008.

9:07PM Wall-E wins for best animated film. And really, has an Oscar ever been more deserved?

9:11PM While accepting the award for Best Animated Short, the director of La Maison en Petits Cubes makes the first reference to Styx lyrics in Oscar history.

9:18PM Benjamin Button wins Best Art Direction, assuring the most nominated film doesn’t go home empty-handed.

9:22PM The Duchess wins for Best Costumes. That’s just an obvious and lazy pick. Not saying it isn’t beautiful, but the surest way to win a costuming Oscar is to dress royalty.

9:27PM Robert Pattinson and Amanda Seyfried have more chemistry that Pattinson and Kristen Stewart did in Twilight. Of course Robert Pattinson and a brick wall would have more chemistry than he and Stewart did in Twilight.

9:32PM Natalie Portman is taller than Ben Stiller?

9:35PM Slumdog wins cinematography, and there is officially no drama left when it comes to Best Director and Best Picture.

9:43PM Judd Apatow gives Janusz Kaminski the best line of the night: “Suck it Anthony Dod Mantle!”

9:55PM I really like Hugh Jackman, but big musical production numbers aren’t why people watch The Oscar telecast. This brings back horrific memories of all those pointless Debbie Allen numbers in years past.

10:08PM Ledger wins, which was no surprise. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - He would have won even if he hadn’t passed away.

10:17PM Man on Wire wins for Best Documentary. Really, can’t we let the winners speak for a few minutes? Wouldn’t that be more entertaining than the song and dance numbers? Oh and that’s the first time somebody has balanced their brand new Oscar on their head, a move only slightly less unexpected than quoting Styx.

10:27PM Kinda hard to believe it’s taken this long for a David Fincher film to win the Best Visual Effects Oscar.

10:35PM Slumdog Millionaire wins best editing, thereby perpetuating the suspicion that the award goes to the “most” edited film rather than the best edited film.

10:55PM Slumdog Millionaire wins Best Score, thereby perpetuating the suspicion that the award goes to the “most” scored film rather than the best scored film.

10:58PM Congratulations to Peter Gabriel for refusing to play a snippet of his nominated song. The Academy’s decision to truncate the performances of the best song nominees is a joke.

11:04PM Slumdog wins for Best Song. I’m starting to fantasize about Danny Boyle directing the next sequel to 28 Days Later. The plot would involve the rage virus infecting India. Like Slumdog, it would also end with a Bollywood dance number.

11:13PM Great decision to have Queen Latifah sing over the montage of the departed. That’s the kind of change Oscar needs.

11:20PM Danny Boyle, very British, wins Best Director, and gives a bloody good speech with lots of leaping.

11:28PM Anne Hathaway looks genuinely moved by Shirley MacLaine’s kind words.

11:32PM Kate Winslet wins for The Reader, which wasn’t even the best performance she gave this year. Kudos, Harvey Weinstein.

11:37PM DeNiro, Hopkins, Kingsley, Douglas, and Brody hand out the Best Actor award. That’s just genuinely impressive.

11:41PM Hopkins introduces Brad Pitt, giving the world what it’s always wanted, a Meet Joe Black reunion.

11:45PM Sean Penn wins and with “I know how hard I make it to appreciate me,” scores one of the best lines of the night.

11:50PM During the montage of Best Picture nominees they use clips from Forrest Gump during the Slumdog Millionaire portion. Really, shouldn’t the Gump stuff go in with the Benjamin Button footage?