(At least it couldn’t be much worse than Alien Apocalypse, but who’s keeping score?)

Kudos to the folks who cut this giddy little trailer for seamlessly cramming together (a rip-off of?) the theme from The Terminator and House of Pain’s Jump Around before really cranking the zaniness up to eleven by utilizing one of the most manic moments from Danny Elfman’s score for Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. This one kinda looks like Army of Darkness without the time travel and with Campbell just playing an Ash-ified version of himself rather than the genuine, chainsaw-pawed article, and short of that elusive Evil Dead 4, really, what more could us loyal fans hope for?

Groovy indeed!

With the recent announcement of Pitt’s jumping ship on Kevin MacDonald’s ensemble drama State of Play, All Movie takes a gander at the superstar’s bumpy track record of ditched projects and near-missed considerations. Is this a tale of super psyche run wild or a simple case of finicky palette dating back decades? While only his mother may know the real answer, at least we can have fun debating what could have been if Brad and Hollywood had just shaken on it and made movie history.

IN CONSIDERATION

First things first, the phrase ‘considered for’ is obviously a pretty vague one, as evidenced by the rumor that Brad was being tailored for Legendary Pictures’ big screen revamp of the He-Man franchise. What exactly were the chances of Angelina’s plaything taking over Dolph Lundgren’s smelly barbarian booties? Most likely nil to none, though the mention got the production press – and that’s a big part of the movie game in this day and age. But what of some of the other films that he was in contention for? Ones where he wasn’t tied to it simply for promotional reasons?

• The Matrix (1999) – It’s been widely rumored that Pitt was in the running for Neo, though what might have done to the production is anyone’s guess. One thing’s for sure – the franchise wouldn’t have nailed that cold, detached feeling without Whoa!-Man leading the rebellion.

 

• Heathers(1989) – What would Michael Lehmann’s Heathers been like if it hadn’t have had a Nicholson clone in the lead? Would Pitt have still worn the trench coat?

 

• Crimson Tide (1995) – The idea of Pitt squaring off against Mean Gene Hackman in a sub is indeed a juicy one, though first impressions say that Brad the Fad couldn’t compete with Denzel’s cool façade.

 

• American Gangster (2007) – Speaking of Denzel, what would Pitt have added to the successful crime drama if he’d have been the one hunting down his Crimson Tide replacement?

 

• The White Sea – Though Joel and Ethan Coen’s near-dialogue free war film was close to shooting; the production was lost in the pipeline, leaving Pitt and the writing/directing duo to finally unite in next year’s comedic tale Burn After Reading, with none other than his Ocean’s pal George Clooney in the lead.

THE DROPOUT

The considered list goes on and on, with films like A Simple Plan and American Psycho also making the cut, though a more succinct group of films awaits our spotlight – those being the films that Pitt has turned his back on after being an integral part of the production, thus making him one of the leading backer-outers of his profession.

• The Fountain (2006) — Probably Pitt’s most widely known about face was this Darren Aronofsky project, which he had heralded for quite some time before skipping town and shaving off the fantastic beard he had grown for the role in the meantime.

 

• Almost Famous (2000) – Cameron Crowe reportedly wrote the part of rock & roller Russell Hammond for Pitt, though the delayed pre-production found the wearied actor second-guessing the project, thus opening up the doors for Billy Crudup to jump into the role.

 

• Apollo 13 (1995) – According to rumor, Pitt was to sit in one of the cockpit chairs in Apollo 13, but decided to track down a serial killer instead when Se7en rolled around.

 

• State of Play (2008) – Citing scripting issues amidst the WGA strike, Brad turned his back on the production that would have teamed him up with Edward Norton, Helen Mirren, Jason Bateman and Robin Wright Penn. His replacement would turn out to be just one of the few lucky actors to have picked up the pieces of this runaway A-lister.

SLOPPY SECONDS

Connecting the dots can be a fun game in Hollywood – especially when one realizes how inbred the system is. So when a top-salaried star like Brad Pitt drops out of a film, whom do you go to? In the case of American Gangster and State of Play, you ferry in Aussie chameleon Russell Crowe. If it’s a Tim Burton flick, the choice is easy, as was the case with both Sleepy Hollow and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – both Pitt-passed pictures that went to fellow Burton cohort, Johnny Depp. If it were a 1930s-40s period drama, the second choice around Hollywood would seem to be Matt Damon, who picked up the pieces that Pitt left on both All the Pretty Horses and the Legend of Bagger Vance.

THE LAST WORD AND A BIT OF TRIVIA

So has all of this cinematic flip-flopping hurt the dreamboat actor in any way? Probably not, though one would be hard-pressed to find a star of this magnitude being aligned with so many A-list productions before being blinded by second thoughts. It’s worthy to note however, that there could be a moment in time that might shed some light on Pitt’s back-and-forth action.

Before his brief stints on network TV and definitely prior to female filmgoers swooning over his bare-butted hotel rendezvous with Geena Davis, William Bradley Pitt was just two credits shy of getting his degree as an ad art director a the University of Missouri when he suddenly packed up his bags and – surprise surprise - dropped out of college in favor of making it big in the glitzy land of L.A. Though it may have paved the way for his future business dealings, one would be hard-pressed to critique this guy’s success story so far. Only time will tell if his wishy washy attitude will hurt him in the long run. For now, we can only imagine what the world of movies would have been like if Pitt weren’t the dropout he is.

What other big name actors that have dropped out of a major Hollywood picture do you remember? Sound off in our comments section.

Not only is Diablo Cody an “alluring person and writer” with an IQ of over 140 (according to certain internet movie message boards), but rumor has it Diablo Cody is also working on a cure for cancer, has a fool-proof plan for peace in the Middle East, and has developed a clean-burning alternative fuel source that will stop global warming and cost pennies a gallon. What’s more, Diablo Cody has also designed a series of revolutionary jet packs that will change the way mankind travels, as well as a brilliant new rocket propulsion system that will get us to Mars by 2010. Scientists who have studied Diablo Cody’s insanely complex DNA strands have recently revealed that her unique genetic structure could prove the key to opening parallel dimensions that, to this point in history, no one even knew existed.

Of course Diablo Cody is thought to be a shoo-in for the Best Screenplay Oscar, but why stop there? Some folks are saying that Diablo Cody is also a front-runner for a Nobel Peace prize, and could very well be the dark horse candidate for the 2008 presidential elections…

Vote Diablo Cody!

Addendum - 12.12.7: Lest anyone mistake this playful jab at the hype machine as any sort of personal attack on Diablo Cody, I’d like to add that having now seen Juno twice, the buzz over this bold new voice is worth every ounce of the praise that has been heaped upon it; it’s heartfelt, remarkably original, and absolutely hilarious. There’s no question that it will make my year-end list in multiple categories (including, of course, Best Screenplay), and having just interviewed Mrs. Cody as well as Juno director Jason Reitman, I can testify that she is every bit as charming and personable as one might expect after seeing the film or reading her memoirs. Keep an eye on this blog for the full interview later next week, and in the meantime why not dash out to your local bookstore and pick up a copy of Candy Girl for yourself – it’s a wildly entertaining read, and a fine introduction the author’s engaging and inimitable writing style.